The Great Squirrel War by Elise

I have had many problems keeping squirrels out of my bird feeder. Since I have always liked birds I experimented many times. When I had to buy a new and expensive feeder, which did not work very well, I got pretty mad at those squirrels. Luckily, it all turned out okay as you will see. Reading this report will hopefully be very interesting.
I have always liked birds. When I finally got a bird feeder, an old used one, I was very excited. Finding the bird feeder in the woods, I got some seed and set it up right outside my window, waiting for the birds to come. For one great and wonderful week, everything went fine. Then the squirrels came! Unfortunately, the wide variety of birds, which I had been enjoying, quickly disappeared. This was very frustrating now, there were almost no birds, and even less birdseed! What should I do? I was sad, I had liked watching the birds very much.
I decided that I would have to buy a squirrel proof feeder. So I did. What was annoying was the fact that the $30, “squirrel proof” feeder wasn't squirrel proof. Frustrated, I wondered how to make the squirrels leave. Despite my everlasting efforts at scaring them, the squirrels, smarter than I thought, continued to sneak up on the full feeder whenever my back was turned. I experimented, knocking and yanking open the window surprised them the first few times and then they got used to it. When I took down the suet, which the birds and squirrels loved, even less birds came, especially the woodpeckers. The thing that was really annoying was that I had bought a new feeder for nothing.
I was really mad at those squirrels. Literally driving me up the wall the squirrels stubbornly continued foiling all my attempts to keep them away! Although I tried putting duck tape over the crack in the feeder, which they were eating out of, it was too cold for the duck tape to stick well and the squirrels simply ripped it off. On the pole, which was how they got to the bird feeder, I smeared petroleum jelly. That stopped them for two days. Finally my dad suggested that I shoot lemon juice in their eyes with a squirt gun. As a kid he had done this when biking through a mean dog's yard. An improvement on my silly plan of borrowing a Beebe gun! As you can seeI was getting a bit obsessive about the whole squirrel thing. Hooray! The lemon juice worked. The problem, it was about 42 degrees outside. When I opened the window everyone else complained. When I stuffed the half-opened window with towels, everyone still complained and I would wake up at six thirty A.M. to a squirrelly noise outside.
At last, I found a good feeder. I was no longer mad at the squirrels. Revenge is sweet and long lasting as I watch them attempting to infiltrate my feeder. Ha ha ha! I finally bought a feeder that actually worked! As the birds are cautious about the new bird feeder, an unusual looking one, I still have a bit of a wait before victory is complete, but I am happy. Watching birds is still one of my favorite things to do and I am enjoying it in a squirrel free environment. No more squirrels! They can be very annoying. Now they're gone! Sadly, there is no such thing as a squirrel proof suet feeder, but that is the only thing which mars my joy. Who knows, maybe I'll invent one someday!